


The Sequel to Sequel to The Feeling™

by 373829g



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: And Alex is a Stupid Idiot, And Herc is Insecure, Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I both love and hate this aaaagchk, Insecurity, Laf and Herc live together, Laf is clueless, Lemme strangle this bitch I stg, M/M, Mentions of past self harm, Modern AU, One-Sided Attraction, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Relatable feelings, dont read this yet if youre happy, heart wrenching, mentions of depression, mentions of relapse, mutual angst, this is so fucking sad omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:53:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26940196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/373829g/pseuds/373829g
Summary: After Laf gets back home from the bar,  he talks out his night with Herc.That's all I got, I suck at summaries and hate them with a burning passion. Which one of those influences the other I'm sure but either way.This can be read alone and still make sense but maybe go read the other two?Another one is on the way where they actually get together and maybe more after that but I have a whole other Hamilton AU and askblog that I'm working on so it may take a while.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, One Sided - Relationship, in the background technically cause this is a sequel of the two Jamilton fics in this story
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	The Sequel to Sequel to The Feeling™

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by otakuAegyo

Lafayette fumbled to open the door to his apartment. When it finally clicked he pushed it open. Herc was curled up in a pile of pillows and blankets on the couch watching Supernatural as he often does. He turned his head towards Laf when he heard the door open and furrowed his brows in confusion. He ruffled around in the mess upon him to find the remote so he could pause the TV. 

“You’re home early,” he pointed out. Laf nodded, fumbling with his sleeve. It was only about 9 PM. He hadn’t even been gone for two hours. 

“Yeah um, something came up,” he lied. He supposed it wasn’t completely a lie per se but it wasn’t the truth. And Herc was a big believer in Lies of Omission being just as bad as flat out storytelling. “I’m just gonna go to bed,” he said, heading to his room and trying his best not to let Herc see his face. The lights were off and he was a good distance away when he was standing at the door but if he got any closer then Herc would be able to see the remnants of his crying, red eyes and tear streaks. And if not that then the distinct features of a man who is clearly devastated beyond comprehension. However, Herc kept his trained eyes on him as he shuffled suspiciously towards his room. 

“Laf,” Herc said, making him stop in the doorway and tense with anxiety. He halfway turned his head towards the man. Enough to show he was listening without letting him see his face. Not that it mattered cause he probably already did. “What’s wrong?” Laf clenched his teeth and mentally cursed himself for not hiding himself better. Though Herc was always observant. He could be a spy. 

“Nothing, I’m fine,” he tried. He knew Herc wouldn’t take that but at least it would buy him some time. He could practically feel Herc’s disapproving look burning into the back of his head. 

“Laf,” he started. 

“I’m fine, Herc,” he repeated. “I’m just a bit sad that I didn’t get to see Alex tonight. I told you, something came up,” 

“Ok first, if Alex cancelled before you got to see him, you would’ve been home a lot earlier. And second, you’re dragging your feet and slouching and your voice is strained. That’s not mild disappointment, that's borderline depression. You’re not fine, and I’ll be damned if I don’t do something to keep going that dark path again Laf,” the man in question flinched at the unwanted memories. “Okay? I love you and I won’t lose you. So come over here and talk about it because we both know if you don’t then it’ll grow inside you and tear you down,” Herc spilled. He talked in quick succession, not giving Laf a chance to think of an argument, let alone assert it. 

Laf scrunched his eyes to try to hold the next round of incoming tears from escaping. He knew it was no use going against Herc at this point. He really wanted to curl up in bed and cry himself to sleep so he can stop thinking as soon as possible but he supposed curling up under Herc’s hoard of pillows and blankets would be just as good, if not better than his bed. And while he wouldn’t get to cry himself to sleep for a lot longer, he couldn’t deny that talking now would help him immensely. Even in times like this he wasn’t dense enough to ignore evidence of plenty past experiences.

He quickly took off his waistcoat and shoes, leaving them by the dresser inside his bedroom door. He begrudgingly turned around and carefully crawled under the mass of fuzzy material and nestled into Herc, letting his head drop down onto his unfairly comfortable shoulder. Herc shifted a bit to hold Laf better and wrapped his arms around him, holding him firmly and assuringly. 

Herc didn’t say anything, letting Laf collect his thoughts. He knew he would speak when he was ready. They sat there, basking in each other’s presence. Who says they can’t multitask and make up for three years of lost time? It doesn’t matter, they’ve reached the silent mutual decision to do just that. 

Laf wanted this to be as easy as possible, so he carefully scripted what he wanted to say before he spoke. When he was ready he took a deep breath, both to calm his nerves, and to announce to Herc that he was about to speak. 

“Don’t speak,” Laf told him. He wanted to just say it and get it over with. Herc silently squeezed his shoulder to let him know he understood. Laf took another deep breath, slowly blowing it out in an attempt to ignore the pain rising in his chest. 

“He was there,” he started. No going back now. “And we were drinking and talking and he was just as gorgeous and talkative and intelligent as ever. And I leaned in and kissed him, and for a second I thought he was kissing back, but then he pulled away and started to say something. And then he ran out of the building and I didn’t know what was happening and I followed after him and then I found him clutching this other man. I asked what was going on and he said he was Alex’s boyfriend,” he stopped and took a small shaky breath.

“He thought Alex was cheating and Alex was telling him that I kissed him and he wasn’t cheating and then they said they loved each other and kissed and the man, his name is Thomas, picked Alex up and spun him and they looked so happy together and I couldn’t handle it,” he paused again, having run out of breath. Herc was holding closer, his face buried in Laf’s hair. “I tried to leave but Alex came after me and said we could still be friends and then I just cried in my car,” he finished. Tears were pouring down his face now, rapidly soaking Herc’s shirt.

Herc ran his hands through the mass of curls atop his head, remaining silent. Laf had finished recounting the night's events but he hadn’t finished talking. “It hurts,” he choked, sobs beginning to rack through his body. “It hurts so much Herc you have no idea,”

“I understand perfectly, trust me,” Herc said, struggling with his own tangle of emotions. He wanted to strangle Alex for being a colossal idiot. But he was also ecstatic that Laf was single again and when he was over Alex he could make his move. But then he remembered that Laf would never love him the same way. Because why would he? And he also felt bad for being so excited. Because Laf is sad and that’s a federal offense and he should not gain any amount of joy from this. 

And then there was everything that came of Laf having no idea of his feelings for him. Because he wanted to scream them from the rooftops, but he also knew he can never say anything because surely Laf will reject his advancements and eject him from his life. But he couldn’t focus on that now. He couldn’t process those feelings or what they mean or which ones to act upon, because right now Laf is the one who needs him. Laf is the one sorting through his feelings. His wrists are almost clear again, and he won’t let him undo that progress, his own feelings be damned. 

Lafayette let out a breath, though neither was sure if it was a scoff or a laugh, or something else entirely different. “Why didn’t he tell me? I could’ve dealt with this before, why did I have to find out like this? Was he even planning on telling me? Or was he just gonna keep this a secret for as long as possible?”

“Well knowing him, he probably thought it would’ve gone better if he told you in person for whatever reason,” Herc explained. “And he didn’t consider all the possibilities. When he decides on something he does it. He’s not exactly the kind of person to think about how his actions will affect the people.”

“So it’s my fault for not making it clear that I thought we were gonna pick up where we started when we broke up,” Laf said. “It’s my fault for leaving in the first place.”

“Hey no, don’t think like that,” Herc said. “It's not your fault, ok?” He assured him. “Your sister got sick, you can’t control that. And it’s not like you were gonna abandon her.”

“But I shouldn’t have stayed for so long,” Laf argued. “She died within less than a year of me arriving. I didn’t have to stay for another two years,” he started shaking again.

“Hey, look at me,” Herc said, pulling away and holding Laf at arms length. “You are not the problem here,” he said firmly. “None of this is your fault. You kissed him, sure but he should’ve made it clear that he was taken by someone else. You had no way of knowing that kissing someone you had every right to believe was still in love with you would end badly.”

Lafayette just let the tears pour, curling in on himself even more. It was unhealthy how skinny he was. Herc pulled him close again, wrapping his arms around his form and pulling him into his lap. Laf relaxed a little bit, resting his head on Herc’s shoulder and wrapping an arm around his shoulder and letting himself believe him, if not forever then at least a moment. 

He let the tears continue to flow out him, shaking with sobs. He was still holding back though. “Let it out Laf,” Herc said, gently rubbing his back. “It’s good for you.” Laf listened, letting him voice his devastation through heart wrenching sobs. They continued to sit there in each other's warmth and company, even after Laf had stopped. After he had fallen asleep. After Herc had let himself mull over his own feelings about the situation. After Herc had silently cried himself to sleep. After he was one step closer to accepting that Laf would never love him the way he loved Laf.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to strangle all of these idiots I stg. They're so fucking *stupid*. *insert dragging sounds of anger* Mostly Alex aagchk


End file.
